Back to School for Parents

Back to school can be an exciting time for parents! After busy summers of mom camps, dad camps, crafts, park play dates, swimming, and adventuring it could be a relief to get back to the school year routine. 

We have some great tips and reminders to help parents ease back into the school year and help develop a great partnership with your child’s teacher. 

Respect boundaries of the classroom. It is important to learn what rules your child’s teacher sets up to help run a smooth class. Each teacher has their own rules routines and procedures, and the ones that applied last year might not be the same this year. This could include how to set up conferences, volunteering, email, pick up and drop off. Some routines and procedures are school wide, some are grade level, and others are individual teacher’s.  While we are sure that most teachers (unless it is not allowed at their school) welcome parents to volunteer to be part of the classroom community, it’s important to follow protocol. It can be disruptive to the lessons and work being done in the classroom to have parents dropping in every morning or during unplanned times throughout the day without having prior knowledge of it. 

We would like to pay special attention to the fact that it is so incredibly important for the development of your child to have their own space and place. Children as young as kindergarten can and should walk into their classrooms independently while carrying their own supplies. The sense of responsibility that they gain from this small act alone is HUGE. If you are itching to get into the classroom, find out the appropriate volunteer times and sign up or email the teacher to ask when the best time to stop by and look at the projects or bulletin boards would be.

Find out the best way to communicate with your child’s teacher and follow that. Many times teachers are juggling many things at once and if a parent has “one quick thing” to tell you right as you are greeting your students, teaching a lesson, or supervising children at dismissal, it can be very overwhelming. Teachers always want to give parents their full attention and when kids are present, they are our top priority. It is always best to find out the best way to communicate and follow that protocol. Typically it is sending an email, or setting up a meeting if you have something you want to discuss. Finally, remember that teachers are usually teaching or preparing to teach all day, they often do not have the luxury of time to respond to emails immediately, so try to give them at least 24 hours to respond to you.

Hold your child accountable for remembering homework, sweatshirts, lunches, and projects. Do your best to not jump in and save them everytime they forget something. Children will learn more from the natural consequences of forgetting something, than they will if you bring what they have forgotten to them. It will give you some relief too, to know that you aren’t responsible for midday drop offs to your child. Of course if it is an emergency, it is completely understandable, but it should be the exception, not the rule. The learning experience of forgetting something and not having it, holds a lot more value. 

Let your child experience discomfort when they make a mistake at school. If your child does something that is out of character, try your best not to make excuses for them. Hold them responsible for the mistake and move on. Making an excuse for your child will not help them learn, it will help justify their actions. Every child makes mistakes. It is a healthy part of development. We always tell parents that school is not just a place to learn math, reading, and writing. School is where children learn how to be members of society. If your child never learns about consequences and accountability, it could create bigger problems later. The most important part about making mistakes is how it is dealt with after the fact. 

We hope that the transition from summer into a new school year is a smooth one for both you and your child. However if it isn’t, remember that children need to experience discomfort in order to learn how to deal with things that will come up in their life. Talking to your child’s teacher to come up with a plan for your child will help everyone be on the same page and help your child transition into a new school year. 

Summer STEAM Activities

Projects that incorporate science, technology, engineering, arts, and math are not only good for children’s development, but they can be so much fun. 

We have noticed in our classrooms how much our students love these projects and how they allow them to have more ownership over their own learning. We often connect lessons and standards with STEM or STEAM projects. These help them develop a love for learning, helps with problem solving skills, and gets them to express their creativity. 

Summer is a great time to do some STEM and STEAM projects with your child. With more time on our hands and less stress, these projects are one way to enrich learning over the summer. You can go beyond the practice sheets and get your child really interested in learning through hands on activities. 

Checkout some more great STEAM projects we found for summer!

Summer Steam Projects

Free Summer STEM 

Ice Cream in a Bag

Awesome Engineering Activities for Kids

STEAM Lab

Little Bins for Little Hands

A great way to integrate STEAM projects is through literature. You are all aware by now how important we believe reading to be for a child. You can read a book together with them or have your child read the book to you. After the reading portion, challenge them with a STEAM project. 

The Three Little Pigs: An Architectural Tale  is a great book to read. After Reading it, you could challenge your child to build a house that could withstand a wolf huffing and puffing (or your blow dryer).

The Most Magnificent Thing is all about creativity. After reading this book you can have you child create their very own most magnificent thing.

Ada Twist, Scientist Students love science experiments. A great one to do over the summer when it is hot and you can go outside is the rainbow geyser experiment.

Rosie Revere Engineer is one of our favorite STEM books. After reading this book your child can build their own hovercraft.

Like these, there are many other books that connect literature to STEAM. After you have done one of these projects, you can extend the learning by having your child reflect in writing on their process. What would they do different? What would they do the same? What worked? What did not work? Did they enjoy the project and why or why not? This allows them to practice their writing skills and reflect on what they did. 

Summer review does not have to be all worksheets. Through STEM and STEAM projects, children can practice academic skills and enjoy themselves while doing it, after all learning should be fun. And what better time for fun learning than summer time?

A huge thing right now is monthly subscription boxes. If you are looking to make these projects a regular occurrence around your house, we found a list of STEAM boxes here for kids that would be a hit in any house.

Fun Summer Activities

Last week we wrote about what academics you could review with your child over summer vacation. We thought we would follow that up with activities you could do with your child that are both fun and educational. Often times the learning that children remember the most are the ones that are hands on and fun. Summer vacation is a great time to do things with your child to engage them and create long lasting memories. Below are some of the activities that you could do with your child over summer vacation.

FUN, EDUCATIONAL, and HEALTHY things to do:

1) Visit Museums- Children love museums because they are curious about the world around them. Museums also offer a nice cool place to visit during the hot summer days. Most museums have kid sections and/or activities. You could bring notebooks and pencils and have children sketch or take notes at different exhibits. Many museums offer free tickets for children, we suggest you call and ask or check their websites.  

2) Volunteer- Teaching children to give back to their community is important. Children absolutely love helping others, and volunteering their time is the perfect activity for children. Volunteer Match helps match you with different organizations that need volunteers nearby. Habitat for Humanity has opportunities for children of all ages to volunteer. If your child is an animal lover then The Human Society is a great organization to look into for volunteer opportunities.

3) Use Chalk or Bubbles- It does not matter how old children are, from kindergarten to 5th grade, children love bubbles and chalk. We’ve made soapy bubble water with dish detergent in a bucket and used ropes to make huge bubbles. It was a hit with our classes, and the children did not want to stop making huge bubbles. Using chalk to draw, spell words, or make a game is another great activity to do on summer days. You could practice sight words, math facts, or just let them be creative.

3) Visit the Library- Most libraries have a children’s area with picture and chapter books. They usually also have story time where the librarian reads books to children. If you or your child are at a loss about what to read during the summer, the librarians might also have suggested summer reading lists based on grades or ages. Reading is one of the most important thing that you can do with your child to promote fluency, vocabulary, and reading comprehension, so going to the library and checking out books is a really good idea.

4) Go on a Nature Walk- This can be a local hike, park, beach, or even just a walk around the block. You can have your child collect leaves, rocks, sticks or petals and then have them create a collage, sketch them out, or write descriptively about what they collected.

5) Visit a Beach, River, or Lake- This one might be easier for those of us who live near a body of water, but if you are able to find a beach, river, or lake then you could learn about landforms first, and then go and enjoy a day at one of them.

6) Cook a meal together- Cooking with your child can promote health, togetherness, and also can incorporate math and science. During the school year cooking together might be more difficult between homework, practices, and work. During summer, this is a great way to engage your child’s senses and get them to be more adventurous about food.

7) Visit Nature Centers- Check out your local nature centers. They are usually free and might offer a nearby hike.

8) Have Lunch Outdoors at a Park- This is a great, inexpensive way to get out of the house and spend the afternoon in nature. This is also something you can do last minute. Pack a lunch and find a local park! Bring books to read, games to play, or just sit and enjoy nature.

9) Go Camping- while this takes a little more planning and organizing, it is a great way to spend a long weekend. Put down the screens and spend some time disconnected. According to the Child Mind Institute, the average American child spends 4 to 7 minutes having unstructured play outside while they spend over 7 hours on a screen. If your child learns to appreciate nature early on, we believe they will become more balanced.

10) Go on Bike Rides- this can be something that is done as a family. Instead of sitting around the TV after dinner, grab your bikes and go for a quick family bike ride. You can even ride your bike to grab an ice cream, or ride to a local restaurant.

We understand that not every single hour of the day will be filled with one of these things. Kids need to learn to be bored, how to entertain themselves, and the adults in their lives don’t need to feel obligated to spend every waking hour entertaining their children. Parents have a lot to do, and they need balance too. We do believe that providing space for children to participate in these types of activities will help them become more balanced and want to make healthier choices when they do have free time.

Some of these activities cost money and some are free. Most cities have events pages as well that you can find free events happening in your city. If you live the Los Angeles are here are some resources to find local events:

https://www.laparent.com/

https://www.discoverlosangeles.com/events

https://www.laweekly.com/

Teacher Appreciation Week

This week is Teacher Appreciation week! Appreciation of the hard work that teachers do every day is near and dear to our hearts. Teachers are doing very important work in society, and often can feel undervalued and overwhelmed. While it would be ideal to appreciate teachers all year long, it is nice to have a reminder and an entire week dedicated to appreciating teachers.

Ultimately the best way that society can appreciate teachers is with:

1) Support for students

2) Respectable compensation

2) Smaller class sizes

3) Resources and supplies for classes

4) Societal respect

These are our hopes and dreams for the teaching profession! We understand that these might be a bit difficult to accomplish this week, but a teacher can dream! We hope that one day teachers all over the country have these things.

But seriously, we thought we would offer some realistic ways to appreciate the teacher in your life this week.

1) A handwritten card from students

2) Small treats to keep in the desk

3) Coffee or tea

4) Flowers for their desks

5) Verbal affirmation or a positive email

6) A positive email to their supervisor

7) A bottle of wine

These are all little things that go a long way in making a teacher feel appreciated and supported. While we keep fighting for the top four, it is good to feel like we have people supporting and appreciating the work we do!
We also found this great resource with everything you need to appreciate your teachers or even plan events to appreciate teachers at your school!

Snowplow Parenting

Disclaimer: Here at Dreaming Teachers we want to create a space where both teachers and parents feel like they can read and share our posts. The last few weeks we have been writing on topics related to parenting styles and providing tips on how to develop balanced healthy adults. In no way are we trying to shame parents for wanting to be there for their children. We want that and we completely understand it. We simply are here to provide research on how to help kids grow into resilient, balanced adults.

In the last decade, we have seen shifts in parenting styles. Today, gone are the helicopter parents who just hover over their child and monitor the situation. What many are seeing today are parents who, with good intentions, try to make everything perfect for their child. This is all done with the intention of wanting them to have a perfect future where nothing will stand in the way of their success. Experts have coined this as snow plow or lawnmower parenting. These parents clear the road of life for children so that it is perfect without bumps or ice. They want their child to be happy and always thriving, and to accomplish this they remove any sort of impediment in the road of life that might be a hinderance or cause any negative feeling.

We do think this is done with good intentions and parents that choose this form of parenting most likely felt like they were left to fend for themselves as children. Or maybe they experienced this form of parenting to some degree. Either way, we know the intention is to provide the best life for their child. However, what we do or don’t do to help children when they are young has a major effect on how they develop. We can’t think of these learning moments as one-off situations, they have long lasting effects.

In The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt write, “Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.” This is an incredibly powerful quote. Often times parents want to clear the road to make it easier and more pleasant for their children. They don’t want them to feel any discomfort or pain. But when we clear out all the roadblocks for our children, we are taking away their learning and development as well. We are taking away so many important learning opportunities that will help them develop and grow the skills they need to become functional in society and adulthood.

According to experts, children who are being raised by snowplow parents “won’t be able to handle failure or solve problems independently. Kids of snowplow parents may quit something instead of settling for second best. (Today’s Parent) In addition, children who are products of over protective parent often lack self confidence or feel inadequate when doing anything. (Psychology Today).

It is unrealistic for your child to always be happy and to always be successful. There will always be things that go wrong that are out of our control. Learning coping mechanisms for disappointment and sadness at early ages, will help children develop skills to conquer the adversity that life brings. If they do not learn these coping mechanisms early on, we are setting them up for major challenges in adulthood. All of a sudden they are exposed to the real world where things go wrong all the time and it is a shock. They are left with a feeling they have never felt and no way of processing. This leads to depression, anxiety, addiction, blaming others for your problems, and not a real sense of reality.

When people are able to navigate adversity and make it out on the other side, there is a sense of confidence that you are able to manage whatever comes your way. When you look back at your life and think of things you have been through, you remember all of the things you learned from the challenges you encountered and how you persevered and worked through a challenge. If you never learn how to face challenges because they have strategically been removed from your life, how will you learn to deal with them when they eventually sneak their way in?

As parents and teachers of course there are situations that need our involvement. What we are talking about is age appropriate setbacks that help kids in development. These include things like losing a science fair, working through typical social dynamics, playing in the backyard without constant adult supervision, falling down and getting up, or not getting the lead in the school play. However, if something comes up that needs intervening, such as your child being repeatedly targeted or their needs not being met, it is our job to step in and support them.

We just can’t jump in and clear out every road block for our children because they will never learn. It is one of life’s greatest challenges to watch people experience setbacks, discomfort, and struggles without trying to solve all of their problems for them. Just know that you are going to be fine. And so is your child! These challenging moments are fleeting but the experiences and lessons of overcoming adversity will carry on into adulthood.

Related Articles:

Helicopter, Snowplow, and Bubble Wrap Parenting

Lawnmower Parents

Todays Parent

Parent Involvement

Unlike any other time in history, parents have access to so much information on parenting and children. They want to make sure that they are doing a good job as parents and that their children are thriving. To do so, many parents are incredibly involved in every aspect of their child’s life. Some researchers call this style of parenting “intensive parenting,” and it is a common form of parenting among upper-middle-class households. According to an article in The Atlantic, intensive parenting includes “Supervised, enriching playtime. Frequent conversations about thoughts and feelings. Patient, well-reasoned explanations of household rules. And extracurriculars. Lots and lots of extracurriculars.”

There does seem to be some positives in this style of parenting, and we understand why many aspire to achieve this level of involvement in parenting. However, as we have written in previous posts before, our jobs as parents and teachers is to raise and educate children who will grow up to be strong, resilient, balanced, well adjusted adults. As you can probably imagine, living a life where your parents constantly step in to solve all troubles, problems, or issues as a child causes some trouble as children grow into adulthood.

This level of parental involvement has begun to reach the business sector as young adults begin their careers. In the New York Times Article When Helicopter Parents Hover, Even at Work, “Within that group of employers, more than 30 percent reported parents submitting a résumé for their children; 15 percent reported fielding complaints from a parent when the company didn’t hire their child; and nearly 10 percent said parents had insinuate themselves into salary and benefit negotiations.” These parents are submitting resumes for, sitting in on interviews, and calling employers on behalf of their adult child to negotiate salaries and promotions. It sounds absurd, but it is happening today.Adults have to be responsible for a variety of things and life is full of surprises, conflicts, and obstacles that they have to navigate and work with. Unless children learn how to deal with and work through the bumps in the road then they will not know how to do this as adults. Thus they will have to rely on parents to continue to solve issues for them.

During childhood, intensive parenting includes constant communication with teachers, yearning to know every little thing that happens in class, supervising all recreational activities, scheduling and attending all extra curricular activities, and wanting to control every social situation that their child encounters. Again, we wholeheartedly understand why this appeals to parents. Parents are charged with caring for and raising someone who is quite literally the sun and the moon to them. We get it. They want to make sure that their child is doing fine, is happy, and thriving across all situations. But if an adult is always present in the life of a child doing everything for them, solving all their conflicts, and speaking on their behalf, then how will the child learn conflict resolution, coping mechanisms, responsibility, and independence that they will need as adults? Children will grow up, and it is up to us to teach them the tools to use when they reach adulthood. If we, as parents and teachers don’t do this, then we have failed them.

Here are a few things we can do as parents and teachers to help our children develop the tools they will need as adults.

1) Let children attempt to solve their social conflicts

Social dynamics are hard for everyone. Children will struggle with friendships and collaboration. That is normal. Before you step in and take charge of a situation, allow your child to try to talk it out with their peers. Children are very good about speaking about their feelings with others, listening to each other, and mediating conflicts. They might need a mediator, so you can let the teacher, coach, or counselor know in case they are needed. Letting children talk, and figure out social dynamics with their friends on their own might be uncomfortable for them, but it’ll help them gain the experience to be able to navigate social dynamics as they grow into adulthood. Not all relationships are perfect, and they need to learn how to navigate them.

2) Give children free unplanned time

21st century children are constantly being stimulated by technology, intensive reading programs, flash cards, and many extracurricular classes. This is so much so, that many children often struggle with being bored. They do not know what to do when they have nothing to do. Sometimes it is good to not have a schedule, plan, or device readily available. Giving children some time to do whatever they want will help develop their creativity and bring balance in their life. We highly recommend it!

3) Teach children to talk to the teacher themselves

Children as young as 5 can, and should, speak up for themselves. If there is an issue in the classroom, let your child talk to the teacher. If they have a question about an assignment, don’t understand a concept, would like to discuss their grade, or would like to share a thought or opinion, encourage them to speak to their teacher.  If they are on the younger side, we recommend an email before hand or as a follow up to make sure that they did indeed speak to the teacher and what the conversation yielded. However, having children stand up for themselves allows them to learn how to speak to authority figures. So that when they grow up, they are able able to speak, negotiate, and stand up for themselves in the workforce.

Of course we are firm believers in balance. Although children need to learn the tools to collaborate, resolve conflicts, speak up for themselves, and be independent by trying, and possibly failing, with using different techniques, they will still need parent and teacher support to guide them. We also understand that children need support from the caregivers in their lives. Parents can always communicate to teachers and let them know that they want to partner with them to help support their child in learning independence and responsibility. Teachers are always willing to partner in this endeavor, as it is their goal too.

Resources:

Social Class, Gender, and Contemporary Parenting

Being left out hurts: Moms, stop ‘social engineering’

‘Intensive’ Parenting Is Now the Norm in America

http://ceri.msu.edu/publications/pdf/ceri2-07.pdf

Independence & Children

It’s time to talk about raising more independent kids! Teachers and parents need to work together to develop a sense of independence in our children. It is essential for their development and their future. We need to remember that children will grow up, and it is our job, as parents and teachers, to help them become independent and successful adults. Independence gives them a sense of purpose and responsibility and will help them grow into a more balanced child and will make them better prepared for the real world. Not only that, it will free up some of your time as a parent and some of our time as teachers.

We currently live in a time where it is becoming more common for kids to rely on adults to make every decision for them, to speak up for them if a challenge arises, and to save them from every mistake. Or even worse, not even allow them to make mistakes. Adults inherently want to protect children from all the harm that we conceive there is in the world, however by protecting them from everything and doing everything for them, we are taking away their sense of responsibility, problem solving skills, and independence. The very things that that will set them up for success in the real world.

According to Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Stanford Dean, overparenting leaves kids unprepared for college. We happen to agree, and moreover we feel overparenting can leave kids underprepared for elementary school too. We see it in our classrooms on a daily basis with students not carrying their own backpacks, parents unpacking them for them, parents turning in their homework, forgotten items constantly dropped off throughout the school day, and never ending emails from parents to do and tell children a variety of things. Parents have constant access to their child throughout the day and it is playing a role in delayed independence in kids.

Children start to naturally develop independence at two years old.The National Association for the Education of Young Children give tips on how you can start that development at a very young age. It takes time and effort, but will pay off immensely when it is time to send your child to school. If slowly each year you continue to give your child more responsibility, your child will become increasingly more independent.

We understand that it is difficult seeing your baby grow and become more independent. Sometimes it feels like it happens too fast and we try to hold onto the idea of our children as the babies they once were. However, if we continue to do this, we set them up for failure, so here are some recommendations to help your child be more independent at home and at school.

Drop Off

Drop your child off at school, and let them walk into their classrooms on their own. Starting in kindergarten they are capable of walking into their classes independently and following the morning procedures. By allowing them the autonomy to do this, children begin to feel responsible and capable. Over the years, we have seen many stressful morning drop offs whereupon the child cries and the parents coddle them in attempt to soothe the child. This often heightens the situation and does the opposite of what is intended. We promise that once you drop off your child, she or he will calm down and join in on the fun of school. Usually within five minutes.

Backpacks and Supplies

Let your child carry their own backpack. We see many parents continue to carry the backpacks of older kids. Let’s set them up early on to carry their own things. They can do it, and again it makes them feel empowered to be able to do it.

Unpacking and Packing

Put the responsibility on your child to unpack and pack their own backpack. If you develop a routine and have a school spot at home, this will save a lot of time and headache in the long run. Have a basket where they can place school papers for you to look through or have a special time when you go through it together. Items that go into the backpack should only be placed by the child. If they didn’t put it in, they most likely won’t know or remember it is there. We understand that it takes longer for parents to ask their children to put things in their backpack, and by doing it for them, you are saving time in the short term. Something that takes longer now, will set them up for success in the future.

Homework and Projects

Let your child do their homework and projects on their own. Of course you can assist them when they have a question or help them if they need an extra hand putting a project together. Don’t let a little hand become a takeover. Projects should be their ideas and their hard work. When we do our children’s work for them, we are sending a message that they hear loud and clear: yours isn’t good enough. This has a major effect on their confidence and risk taking and they will fear doing things independently.

Chores

Having chores at home is a classic way to develop responsibility and independence in children. They are capable of much more than we think and in the younger years, they actually really love to be a helper. For more information on age appropriate chores check out House Wife How-Tos: Chores That Kids Can Do.

Getting Dressed

At 4 and 5 years old children can start to get themselves dressed with limited parent involvement. A skill that is easily taught and goes a long way, is how to turn an article of clothing that is inside out to right side in. We would think that this would be second nature, but it is a skill that needs to be taught to school age kids. Imagine 20 kids trying to get one teacher to help them put on their jackets in the winter. That’s when we stop the main curriculum and have a “how to put on your jacket tutorial.”

These skills are really important for development and should not fall by the wayside. We already know that academics are important, but again kids need a balance. These skills are essential to help your children in the real world. And these are just some ways to help develop more independent kids. Certainly, there are many more ways to teach independence to children, and every child is unique. We understand that if your child has any special needs that not all of these things will work for your family and you have to do what works for your personal situation. We are also not trying to shame anyone or say that you need to be perfectly doing these things all the time. We want to help educate and partner with you to help raise more balanced and independent kids in this very busy, ever changing world we live in. When studies show that kids are increasingly more dependent, not developing basic responsibility, and unprepared for the basic rigors of life after high school, we need to take a step back, get to the cause, and make some changes. Even if it feels like these changes are going back to a simpler time, they are skills that hold strong in society today.